EP132: Be Amazeballs

For my first podcast of January 2023, I recorded from my Airbnb in Chicagoland. As I listen to myself talk weeks later, I cringe at my voice. Especially the off-tune singing!  

I say to myself, “Kathryn, you are still learning how to be in this world after your Near Death Experience (NDE). You are still learning how to read people, how to speak to people, and how to not fully embarrass yourself.  It is a process.”

I will still release this episode, even though it is a little embarrassing. One of the things that I learned by having an NDE is that we humans are WAY too obsessed with what other people think of us. But that is our culture, and I need to learn how to exist in our culture (again).

People do judge each other, and I’m sure that I will be judged by this episode and anything else that I put out into the world for people to look at (and judge, right?). I mention at the end of the episode that I was having fun on Tik Tok with my dogs. I had one “show” (a series of posts) called Abby El Chaman, where my dog Abby gave spiritual advice.  I had another “show” (a series of posts) called Chewy El Guru for my other dog to do the same. People found this offensive, so we have since taken this content down. 

From my humble perspective, my dogs gave a voice to some of what I learned “on the other side.” 

But if people don’t like it, I’ll have to figure out a way to share this content in a way that doesn’t offend.

Folks, I’m compelled by something beyond me to share this stuff. It is what I would call an “unbidden task” that I’ve been assigned by something greater/bigger than me. 

That task is to use my platform, however small it is today, to share these lessons.  I will try everything/ try again (as Shakira says) until I get it right. (Let me say “we,” as I have a small but amazing team working with me on all of this… thank you, Gabriel, Raye, and Gabby).

BTW, I didn’t ask to have this responsibility! Perhaps by choosing NOT to die on August 11, 2022, but instead return to my body, this responsibility came with me. Bummer, in a way.

Or is it?  I don’t know yet. I’m still very, very sad about how things are with my family.

So I will use my podcast and my Tik Tok channel to share, for now.  Maybe a book will come later, maybe something else. 

What I do know is that I will have to find a way to monetize this “work” while we still live in a world driven by money.  So if you have any use for “knowledge from the other side” and you are willing to pay big bucks for it, please reach out. 

I hope you are laughing.  I can’t tell when I write words and don’t see people’s faces.

After the loooooong prelude, here are the actual notes!

In this podcast episode, I talk about “parts work.” The name of the person I couldn’t remember during the recording is Richard Schwartz. His work is called “Internal Family Systems.” Here is a great audible book about IFS.

Trauma can create places (“parts of us”) where we fragment and get stuck. I have some fragmentation around my parents’ intense fighting, multiple separations, and divorce.  I peg some of those stuck parts at ages 6 and 13. And yes, have many more.

So do you. Just so you know.

I give a shout-out to my dear friend Jen Weigel who talked to one of my upset parts when we were together in South Dakota. Thanks for still being my friend, Jen!

People have asked me what it was like to have an NDE. What I can say now, after much reflection, is that it was like this:

Prior to the NDE, I was a fish swimming in water. The “water” is our culture, what I’m used to.  I’m so used to it that I can no longer “see” or “sense” it. It just is.

The NDE took me OUT of the water. I could see our culture for what it is.  There is a “system,” and it can be very hurtful.

I came back from my NDE and felt very, very hurt. I was also very sick. As a woman, I felt subjugation and worse. I blamed people that were not to blame (they don’t know they are in the water too, after all!). 

What’s on the other side?  The ability to “get out of the water”, and what you see you may or may not like. That’s all I can say for now.

It has taken me months to start to co-exist with the “water” again and start to not feel as hurt. I am extremely remorseful to many people that I hurt when I was as raw as an uncooked steak (better said, fresh as a newborn baby).  And this baby had a big mouth and when she opened it…IT WAS NOT SO PRETTY, to say the least.

No wonder I have stayed relatively isolated these past five months.

What do I do now? What can we all do?

What we do have is the ability to self-regulate and, per Viktor Frankl, choose.  After my NDE, I couldn’t self-regulate for a long, long time. I’m still learning. It’s not easy. When I get in “fight or flight,” I’m terrible to be around.  I act like a 6-year-old or a horrible 13-year-old.  I gotta start doing a better job at self-regulation.  

Returning home to Puerto Rico will be a huge part of that healing. In this episode, I show my “excited side,” bringing out the optimist in me. But as I write these notes, I am still on the journey there, and I am scared.

Here are the mantras from today’s show:

1. It’s amazing. This is a song, and a new highest compliment I may say to you!

2. It’s heartbreaking, and physically depleting, to the unprepared feminine

3. It’s rage provoking, and ball-busting to the unprepared masculine

Here are some action items from the show:

-Listen to music

-Love yourself

-Go laugh at me on Tik Tok (what’s left up there– still likely embarrassing but may still make you laugh… my name on Tic Tok is “Kat’s Corner”

-Ser como un lobo (be like a wolf as your nose knows!). Not being able to breathe can induce an almost primal-like fear. Having my recent septoblast/rhinoplast surgery was a temporary setback, but I believe it will be “amazing” for the future 

-For the feminine: Get some help!

-For the masculine: Listen to the podcast on broken plates. Make your apologies based on a formula that drives change for the better

-Give people space to allow people to do their own work

-Have the courage to do the work on yourself

-Have your conversations “live” (synchronized) whenever you can

-Be clear. Clear communication is kind; unclear communication is unkind/cruel.

-Wait for feedback – before you open your pie hole again!

-Find ways to release your anger.

-When people trigger you, politely excuse yourself and go breathe.

-Stay and play!

-Find peace with yourself, so we can have peace on the planet.  

Here is a list of things I mentioned but didn’t fully explore.  LMK if you’d like me to discuss any of these in future episodes:

-Map of consciousness.

-My friend Laura’s work, Inspired Everyday Living.

-Six basic emotions, or are there more?

-The Age of Sophia.

-”Feminine” aspects

-”Masculine” aspects

-Why am I cleaning in my underwear?  A wonderful friend gave me this book called Women Who Run with the Wolves.

-Energy 4 Life. EDM concerts.

Live, Laugh, Love. it is the new “currency” going forward.

-All music from Encanto (me encanta Lin-Manuel Miranda!)

-Enjoy the silence (Depeche Mode)

-Como Un Lobo

-Going back to Puerto Rico

-Cancion bonita

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